Do I really deserve to get my heart broken second time round almost at the end of the year?

Thank you so much!

My silly best friend

I just received a birthday card from one of my best friends. She had forgotten to give it to me in person the last time I saw her, so she decided to post it to me. With a first class stamp and my home address she mailed the birthday card to me. I was well pleased to find a red envelope in the post addressed to me. Upon opening it, I found a birthday card

"On your December birthday
With best wishes


Memories are
Precious things
As everyone will know
And all the best ones
Follow Us
No matter where we go"

She didnt sign the card at all. No name, nothing. But it reminded me of all the silly memories we shared together. And yes I will cherish them forever.

Love you loads my YBP <3

I miss you... so very much

Hello, good morning, how ya do?
What makes your rising sun so new?
I could use a fresh beginning too
All of my regrets are nothing new

So this is the way
that I say that I need You
This is the way
This is the way

That I'm learning to breathe
I'm learning to crawl
I'm finding that You and
You alone can break my fall
I'm living again, awake and alive
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies

Hello, good morning, how ya been?
Yesterday left my head kicked in
I never thought I could fall like that
Never knew that I could hurt this bad

I'm learning to breathe
I'm learning to crawl
I'm finding that You and
You alone can break my fall
I'm living again, awake and alive
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies

So this is the way
that I say that I need You
This is the way
That I say I love You
This is the way
That I say I'm Yours
This is the way
This is the way

Lyrics:
Switchfoot - Learning to breathe

Scribbles 1.0

The 50th day
Here we are - 50 days later. Do you feel like you know me? Slightly better than we first met? Feel like I know you a lot more than we first started. But there's a long way ahead. You make me feel special. You know, the more I get to know you the more I want to know. 
I cannot even start to describe in words how amazing the day was. Thank you. 

*

The 51st day
How confidently can you say that you actually know someone? Is it even possible to know the true you besides anyone but you. Today was different to yesterday. I felt bad for you cause you were ill. I hope you get well soon. 
I have never met anyone in my life who cares about me this much. You worry about me so much that you don't sleep anymore at night. This is insane! Can you imagine, that there is this one guy who is crazy about you? 
And there you were lying there, sleeping so peacefully. Only for 20mins ish you lay there, but I could look at your pretty face for hours and smile :-) 

Listening to your stories is like the best thing ever - I can only imagine how cute you looked when you were younger. 

*

The birthday -the 52nd day
When I saw you today, I realized that I won't be seeing you till 2011! The though of not seeing you at all made me very sad. 
And there you were trying all sorts of ways to cheer me up. I shouldn't be so transparent at times. Bloody hate it! You had it all planned out - movie, lunch, gifts. And l ruined it all. By being depressed. I'm so sorry. But you know what: you singing me happy birthday was the highlight of my day :-) so thank you for everything - the panda, all the gifts, food, and for all the good memories. 

Best bear hugs in the whole wide world

Your arms are my safest hiding place
I can cry my heart out
Or shed tears of joy
Your arms are my safest hiding place for me
And you give the best bear hugs
My heart skips a beat
When whisper "yaaay"
And your eyes light up when your looking at me
You give the best bear hugs in the whole wide world!

P.S - I really hope you like your Christmas present. I'd be gutted if you didn't :-)

And introducing...

The newest member joining the bear family is...

Torres Panda Simpson-Fernandez!


Born on 12 December 2010, was a gift from you ^^/"

PS:
He's got your eyes
and your hoody
and your converse
and he smells like you =P

Dead and gone

I've been traveling along this road for too long
Just trying to find my way home
But the old me is dead and gone
Dead and gone. 





You should treasure me while I'm here.

Happy Birthday To Me

A birthday with no cake
And no one to celebrate
But you sang me the birthday song
And cheered me up a bit
But there's no one to celebrate it with
No family, no cousins, no nieces and nephews

Another year gone past
Feel wiser? Not really
Feel older? Maybe
Feel sadder? Most possibly

What lies ahead - sadness, pain, misery?
Who knows. But hopefully a better year than this year.

I think I realized something today. Something I had forgotten after meeting you...
Sometimes You think it's ok to be yourself when you're with that special someone. Cause you know you he won't be freaking out when they see you at your lowest. I'm sure you wanted to know what is going on and why she was crying. To be honest at that point I had too many thoughts in my head and to sum them up in words was so difficult. So just crying and emptying my heart out to you seemed okay... 
But then when I talked to you earlier you said you were weirded out. Then I realized how much I depend on you. I think after meeting you I depend on you so much! My whole world revolves around you. But I know it's not how it's meant to be. I'm gonna be stronger as I have been before I met you. I have lived so far, haven't I? I think i will live. 
But I'm sorry for freaking you out. I will from now on not cry infront of out. I'll make sure of that. 
I also worry about what's gonna happen to us, in the future.
 There are so many things that worry me. But I am so tired of everything!! Family, friends, you. I deserve a proper one nights sleep. So from now on all you lot can worry about your own tiny problems and I'm gonna sleep peacefully. Tonight. 

Weirded Out

I'm sorry. For freaking you out like that. 

You said you were "weirded out" by all that. 
I'm sorry. 

I really wish sometimes I had more confidence in me...

Tearless

If I cried till I can't cry no more
And there's no more tears left to cry
Will my pain disappear?

What's My Name?

Hey boy I really wanna see
If you can go a long time with a girl like me
Hey boy, I really wanna be with you
Cause you just my type
Ooh na na na na
I need a boy to really take it over
Looking for a girl to put you over
Oooooh, oooooh

Remember this place?

Your Dreams

Me and You
in a big house
with a big garden
and 3 cats
and a football pitch
and a tree-house!
and a gokart track
and a hot tub
and sound systems in every room
and a private cinema
and our own private chef and cleaners
and a massive wine rack
and all the jack daniels in existence and a coke tap
and a pool table and a darts board
and huge comfy sofas
and a signed shirt from Torres
and all my friends round every friday for drinks and nibbles
and a nice dressing gown for the cold mornings
and the best central heating system money could buy
and a yacht for holidays
and me and you time every Thursday
and my own plane
and for you to smile every day forever

Naked like the Moon

The moons seems to be closer than you are sometimes.
You can see it from afar but you can't touch it.
It listens to everything you say..
But when you ask something you get no answer, no reply.
It's like it knows everything about you and you know nothing.
So distant.
You don't really let me get close to you.
Is it cause I'm awful?
The me you know scares you already? 
Don't you know - with you being so faraway makes me feel..
So alienated.
Like I'm so useless.
I feel useless really.
You deserve so much more than this.
Happiness, good nights sleep, a good life. 
But if you wont let me in.
I cant help you.  

The other night you said, you find it hard to open up to people. Is it cause you been hurt a lot? And you find it very difficult to trust people? I won't say, I know what you been through. Cause I prolly don't.

I saw this tiny post box, while on my way to work. I stopped and stared at it. Thought to myself, only if you could write whatever is on your mind and post your thought to me through this post box? It would be magical!

But, I just want you to know - that I'm there for you whenever you wanna talk. About anything. We did start as friends, and till this date I cherish our friendship. Being able to talk to you about anything is one of the best thing ever. I just want you to know that whatever you tell me, from now on will not make me change how I feel about you. Being able to hear your story, makes me feel closer to you. A little closer in knowing the real you. I honestly do feel I don't know the much about you. It might be too soon, but I do wanna know the real you. Hope you understand me.

From today, we start fresh

From now on whatever I write now in this blog shall be only about you <3
This is my way of getting to know you better...
No expectations
No shoes to fill in
No silly titles 
Don't be afraid to let me know what you're thoughts are
Or whatever else that is on you're mind. 
Cause this is the one single thread that binds us together. 
I'm
Not done with. Not just yet.  

And I'll be writing about you
Until you fade out from my memory
Even if we are not together 
Even if we are not friends anymore 
Well I'll will stop unless I die of course
But this ones dedication to You. 

From today, we start fresh. 

For how long do I need to be strong? Almost forgotten of what the strong means anymore. I feel I reached my limit already. And everyday it's the same story over and over again. You disowned me once and you wished I was dead. Seriously, do you really have to remind me EVERYDAY of how you wished I was dead. And truthfully, I do wish I was dead. I honestly do. I mean this would at-least end these endless arguments.

Sigh.

First Fight (Well, ish)

There is so much I wanna tell you, so much I wanna say. 

Sigh
I'll blame no one else but me, if ever things don't work out between us. Theres only so much anyone can take really. I do feel you really don't deserve all this. I see you just wanting to spend time with me but all I tell give is excuses - parents, sister, mates. How long will you wait? I'm not testing your patience here, but if I were in your shoes I'd give up on me.

Sorry for walking away from you earlier. I wasn't really mad at you (well upset for dissin' Arsenal - sorry we haven't been together that long for you to diss my club - quoting you here).
I understand you are really busy with work and I got my deadlines too. But I really wanted to see you =(
Sorry for being so childish then. 

My heartaches when I think about us. Is this it? Sigh 

PS please stay out of my head x

I'll Be Okay Tomorrow

Because my job got me nowhere
So I got nothing to lose
Take me to a place where I don't care
This is me and my liquor store blues
I take one shot for my pain
One drag for my sorrows
Get messed up today 
I'll be okay tomorrow.

Lyrics:
Bruno Mars - Liquor Store Blues 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a0p_x416sa0

Thunder

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder,
And I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
And bring on the thunder

Lyrics:
Boys Like Girls - Thunder

TORRES!

Congratulations to Torres on being a dad again! (and his wife of course)

06/12/2010

:-)

You are by far, the best thing happened to me! I have never felt like this before...

But I feel, I depend on you a lot. You might even notice it, but it's like my whole world revolves around you (yeah, I finally admit to this! >.<) I wish things were easier, and I really wish we could spend more time together.

Getting to know you - your likes or dislikes, your weird habits, thoughts about things, life in general. It's awesome. I honestly felt, that we are two very different people from two distinct worlds. But as time passes by, I feel that you and me are not that different. Unique yes, but not dissimilar.

I hope you understand me when I say this...
I miss you a lot, I do. And I want you to know that I am trying very hard for us to work. Please don't give up on me.

Helpless

Seeing you in pain makes my heartache.
Isn't there anything I could do to make you feel better?
If only you knew
How much you getting a good night's sleep means to me =(
Only you could see through my eyes...

On a serious note

You say - "If you ever cheat on me
That's OK if it it's with Nasri
But only him."

Like Them Hollister Models

So I was telling my bestie about you,
she goes "so what does he look like..?"
"like one of them Hollister model <3!"


PS - they all think you're an imaginary person! ;-)


*

You say - "i don't care how i look, as long as you like it that's cool.
will be hotter in the summer, i promise!
i eat too much in winter"

:-)

The Wait

Each day now has become a burden to live 
Every passing minute feels longer than it is
Feels like I have lived my life already
There is nothing more i look forward to
In this life. 

While going to bed I wonder
That if I sleep tonight maybe I will sleep forever
I want to sleep forever. 

For now
I shut my eyes and wait...

Thank You

So we got this far...
Thank you for putting up with me for a month already :-)

I hope we can have lots of happy memories
To remind us,
Of the good times we spent together.

With you, life is fun!
A tiny distraction at times,
A place where I feel comfortable
Where I can be me.

More than a friend you are to me.
Closer than my best friend.
Thank you <3