Do I really deserve to get my heart broken second time round almost at the end of the year?

Thank you so much!

My silly best friend

I just received a birthday card from one of my best friends. She had forgotten to give it to me in person the last time I saw her, so she decided to post it to me. With a first class stamp and my home address she mailed the birthday card to me. I was well pleased to find a red envelope in the post addressed to me. Upon opening it, I found a birthday card

"On your December birthday
With best wishes


Memories are
Precious things
As everyone will know
And all the best ones
Follow Us
No matter where we go"

She didnt sign the card at all. No name, nothing. But it reminded me of all the silly memories we shared together. And yes I will cherish them forever.

Love you loads my YBP <3

I miss you... so very much

Hello, good morning, how ya do?
What makes your rising sun so new?
I could use a fresh beginning too
All of my regrets are nothing new

So this is the way
that I say that I need You
This is the way
This is the way

That I'm learning to breathe
I'm learning to crawl
I'm finding that You and
You alone can break my fall
I'm living again, awake and alive
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies

Hello, good morning, how ya been?
Yesterday left my head kicked in
I never thought I could fall like that
Never knew that I could hurt this bad

I'm learning to breathe
I'm learning to crawl
I'm finding that You and
You alone can break my fall
I'm living again, awake and alive
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies

So this is the way
that I say that I need You
This is the way
That I say I love You
This is the way
That I say I'm Yours
This is the way
This is the way

Lyrics:
Switchfoot - Learning to breathe

Scribbles 1.0

The 50th day
Here we are - 50 days later. Do you feel like you know me? Slightly better than we first met? Feel like I know you a lot more than we first started. But there's a long way ahead. You make me feel special. You know, the more I get to know you the more I want to know. 
I cannot even start to describe in words how amazing the day was. Thank you. 

*

The 51st day
How confidently can you say that you actually know someone? Is it even possible to know the true you besides anyone but you. Today was different to yesterday. I felt bad for you cause you were ill. I hope you get well soon. 
I have never met anyone in my life who cares about me this much. You worry about me so much that you don't sleep anymore at night. This is insane! Can you imagine, that there is this one guy who is crazy about you? 
And there you were lying there, sleeping so peacefully. Only for 20mins ish you lay there, but I could look at your pretty face for hours and smile :-) 

Listening to your stories is like the best thing ever - I can only imagine how cute you looked when you were younger. 

*

The birthday -the 52nd day
When I saw you today, I realized that I won't be seeing you till 2011! The though of not seeing you at all made me very sad. 
And there you were trying all sorts of ways to cheer me up. I shouldn't be so transparent at times. Bloody hate it! You had it all planned out - movie, lunch, gifts. And l ruined it all. By being depressed. I'm so sorry. But you know what: you singing me happy birthday was the highlight of my day :-) so thank you for everything - the panda, all the gifts, food, and for all the good memories. 

Best bear hugs in the whole wide world

Your arms are my safest hiding place
I can cry my heart out
Or shed tears of joy
Your arms are my safest hiding place for me
And you give the best bear hugs
My heart skips a beat
When whisper "yaaay"
And your eyes light up when your looking at me
You give the best bear hugs in the whole wide world!

P.S - I really hope you like your Christmas present. I'd be gutted if you didn't :-)

And introducing...

The newest member joining the bear family is...

Torres Panda Simpson-Fernandez!


Born on 12 December 2010, was a gift from you ^^/"

PS:
He's got your eyes
and your hoody
and your converse
and he smells like you =P

Dead and gone

I've been traveling along this road for too long
Just trying to find my way home
But the old me is dead and gone
Dead and gone. 





You should treasure me while I'm here.

Happy Birthday To Me

A birthday with no cake
And no one to celebrate
But you sang me the birthday song
And cheered me up a bit
But there's no one to celebrate it with
No family, no cousins, no nieces and nephews

Another year gone past
Feel wiser? Not really
Feel older? Maybe
Feel sadder? Most possibly

What lies ahead - sadness, pain, misery?
Who knows. But hopefully a better year than this year.

I think I realized something today. Something I had forgotten after meeting you...
Sometimes You think it's ok to be yourself when you're with that special someone. Cause you know you he won't be freaking out when they see you at your lowest. I'm sure you wanted to know what is going on and why she was crying. To be honest at that point I had too many thoughts in my head and to sum them up in words was so difficult. So just crying and emptying my heart out to you seemed okay... 
But then when I talked to you earlier you said you were weirded out. Then I realized how much I depend on you. I think after meeting you I depend on you so much! My whole world revolves around you. But I know it's not how it's meant to be. I'm gonna be stronger as I have been before I met you. I have lived so far, haven't I? I think i will live. 
But I'm sorry for freaking you out. I will from now on not cry infront of out. I'll make sure of that. 
I also worry about what's gonna happen to us, in the future.
 There are so many things that worry me. But I am so tired of everything!! Family, friends, you. I deserve a proper one nights sleep. So from now on all you lot can worry about your own tiny problems and I'm gonna sleep peacefully. Tonight. 

Weirded Out

I'm sorry. For freaking you out like that. 

You said you were "weirded out" by all that. 
I'm sorry. 

I really wish sometimes I had more confidence in me...

Tearless

If I cried till I can't cry no more
And there's no more tears left to cry
Will my pain disappear?

What's My Name?

Hey boy I really wanna see
If you can go a long time with a girl like me
Hey boy, I really wanna be with you
Cause you just my type
Ooh na na na na
I need a boy to really take it over
Looking for a girl to put you over
Oooooh, oooooh

Remember this place?

Your Dreams

Me and You
in a big house
with a big garden
and 3 cats
and a football pitch
and a tree-house!
and a gokart track
and a hot tub
and sound systems in every room
and a private cinema
and our own private chef and cleaners
and a massive wine rack
and all the jack daniels in existence and a coke tap
and a pool table and a darts board
and huge comfy sofas
and a signed shirt from Torres
and all my friends round every friday for drinks and nibbles
and a nice dressing gown for the cold mornings
and the best central heating system money could buy
and a yacht for holidays
and me and you time every Thursday
and my own plane
and for you to smile every day forever

Naked like the Moon

The moons seems to be closer than you are sometimes.
You can see it from afar but you can't touch it.
It listens to everything you say..
But when you ask something you get no answer, no reply.
It's like it knows everything about you and you know nothing.
So distant.
You don't really let me get close to you.
Is it cause I'm awful?
The me you know scares you already? 
Don't you know - with you being so faraway makes me feel..
So alienated.
Like I'm so useless.
I feel useless really.
You deserve so much more than this.
Happiness, good nights sleep, a good life. 
But if you wont let me in.
I cant help you.  

The other night you said, you find it hard to open up to people. Is it cause you been hurt a lot? And you find it very difficult to trust people? I won't say, I know what you been through. Cause I prolly don't.

I saw this tiny post box, while on my way to work. I stopped and stared at it. Thought to myself, only if you could write whatever is on your mind and post your thought to me through this post box? It would be magical!

But, I just want you to know - that I'm there for you whenever you wanna talk. About anything. We did start as friends, and till this date I cherish our friendship. Being able to talk to you about anything is one of the best thing ever. I just want you to know that whatever you tell me, from now on will not make me change how I feel about you. Being able to hear your story, makes me feel closer to you. A little closer in knowing the real you. I honestly do feel I don't know the much about you. It might be too soon, but I do wanna know the real you. Hope you understand me.

From today, we start fresh

From now on whatever I write now in this blog shall be only about you <3
This is my way of getting to know you better...
No expectations
No shoes to fill in
No silly titles 
Don't be afraid to let me know what you're thoughts are
Or whatever else that is on you're mind. 
Cause this is the one single thread that binds us together. 
I'm
Not done with. Not just yet.  

And I'll be writing about you
Until you fade out from my memory
Even if we are not together 
Even if we are not friends anymore 
Well I'll will stop unless I die of course
But this ones dedication to You. 

From today, we start fresh. 

For how long do I need to be strong? Almost forgotten of what the strong means anymore. I feel I reached my limit already. And everyday it's the same story over and over again. You disowned me once and you wished I was dead. Seriously, do you really have to remind me EVERYDAY of how you wished I was dead. And truthfully, I do wish I was dead. I honestly do. I mean this would at-least end these endless arguments.

Sigh.

First Fight (Well, ish)

There is so much I wanna tell you, so much I wanna say. 

Sigh
I'll blame no one else but me, if ever things don't work out between us. Theres only so much anyone can take really. I do feel you really don't deserve all this. I see you just wanting to spend time with me but all I tell give is excuses - parents, sister, mates. How long will you wait? I'm not testing your patience here, but if I were in your shoes I'd give up on me.

Sorry for walking away from you earlier. I wasn't really mad at you (well upset for dissin' Arsenal - sorry we haven't been together that long for you to diss my club - quoting you here).
I understand you are really busy with work and I got my deadlines too. But I really wanted to see you =(
Sorry for being so childish then. 

My heartaches when I think about us. Is this it? Sigh 

PS please stay out of my head x

I'll Be Okay Tomorrow

Because my job got me nowhere
So I got nothing to lose
Take me to a place where I don't care
This is me and my liquor store blues
I take one shot for my pain
One drag for my sorrows
Get messed up today 
I'll be okay tomorrow.

Lyrics:
Bruno Mars - Liquor Store Blues 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a0p_x416sa0

Thunder

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder,
And I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
And bring on the thunder

Lyrics:
Boys Like Girls - Thunder

TORRES!

Congratulations to Torres on being a dad again! (and his wife of course)

06/12/2010

:-)

You are by far, the best thing happened to me! I have never felt like this before...

But I feel, I depend on you a lot. You might even notice it, but it's like my whole world revolves around you (yeah, I finally admit to this! >.<) I wish things were easier, and I really wish we could spend more time together.

Getting to know you - your likes or dislikes, your weird habits, thoughts about things, life in general. It's awesome. I honestly felt, that we are two very different people from two distinct worlds. But as time passes by, I feel that you and me are not that different. Unique yes, but not dissimilar.

I hope you understand me when I say this...
I miss you a lot, I do. And I want you to know that I am trying very hard for us to work. Please don't give up on me.

Helpless

Seeing you in pain makes my heartache.
Isn't there anything I could do to make you feel better?
If only you knew
How much you getting a good night's sleep means to me =(
Only you could see through my eyes...

On a serious note

You say - "If you ever cheat on me
That's OK if it it's with Nasri
But only him."

Like Them Hollister Models

So I was telling my bestie about you,
she goes "so what does he look like..?"
"like one of them Hollister model <3!"


PS - they all think you're an imaginary person! ;-)


*

You say - "i don't care how i look, as long as you like it that's cool.
will be hotter in the summer, i promise!
i eat too much in winter"

:-)

The Wait

Each day now has become a burden to live 
Every passing minute feels longer than it is
Feels like I have lived my life already
There is nothing more i look forward to
In this life. 

While going to bed I wonder
That if I sleep tonight maybe I will sleep forever
I want to sleep forever. 

For now
I shut my eyes and wait...

Thank You

So we got this far...
Thank you for putting up with me for a month already :-)

I hope we can have lots of happy memories
To remind us,
Of the good times we spent together.

With you, life is fun!
A tiny distraction at times,
A place where I feel comfortable
Where I can be me.

More than a friend you are to me.
Closer than my best friend.
Thank you <3

The Panda & The Bear

Meet Liz-Panda and Bear

Miss Me

With so many things on my mind I try to sleep
But it feels like sleep has abandoned me
Feels like I haven't slept in a while...

Trust is something once lost, very hard to regain it back
But then you have to trust the other person and give them a chance to prove you right.
How am I meant to trust you, if you don't trust me?
All these things you taught me, I have learnt well.
Wish I could show you someday, that I'm not all that bad
As you think I am...
Maybe you don't even know me. Your own child.
Always tried my hardest to be your favorite.
But always there were flaws.
Seeked your appreciation but you only pointed out to my mistakes.

I feel like even if I try my best, you won't look at me twice. So might as well give up now.

Do you think if I'm gone you will come find me?
Maybe not.

Always wondered if anyone would miss me when I'm gone
Now is probably the right time to find out..

You're The Sweetest One I Ever Met :-)

You say:

"i feel the same about you
i feel like
hmm
i don't care that you might hurt me
it feels worth risking.. if you know what i mean?
everything ive told you so far you've been awesome about
feel that i can trust you
oh i dunno, im not very good at saying things
just hope you get what i mean"


can you read my mind? can you hear what i wanna tell you...?

Your Song

I think if I could write a song about you, this song would probably be it. Sums up exactly how I feel about you :-)

*

It's a little bit funny
This feeling inside.
I'm not one of those
Who can easily hide.

I don't have much money
But boy if I did
I'd buy I big house where
We both could live.

So excuse me forgetting
But these things I do.
See I've forgotten if
They're green or they're blue.

Anyway the thing is...
What I really mean...
Yours are the sweetest eyes
I've ever seen.

And you can tell everybody
This is your song.
It maybe quite simple but
Now that it's done
I hope you don't mind
That I put down in words
How wonderful life is
Now you're in the world.

If I was a sculptor
But then again no.
Or a girl who makes potions in
A travelling show.
I know it's not much but
It's the best I can do.
My gift is my song and
This one's for you.

Oh..

And you can tell everybody
This is your song.
It maybe quite simple but
Now that it's done
I hope you don't mind (x2)
That I put down in words
How wonderful life is
Now you're in the world.

Lyrics:
Ellie Goulding - Your Song

Don't Wanna Try No More

What's the use of holding on...

Don't wanna try
.. no more

Runaway

I gotta leave, I gotta go,
there’s nothing here for me no more
I gotta be free, I gotta be
somewhere that I can just be me.
and I run run runaway, run run runaway,
run run runaway, I runaway.

Me & You & My Medication

When your happiness knows no bounds
And everything just feels right
You start to get paranoid
Is this gonna last forever?
What if it doesn't?
What am I meant to do then?
Are you gonna break my heart
Into a million pieces
And not care?

I am crazy about you,
do you feel the same way too?

The Other Side of the World

With you, I feel I can be myself.
Don't need to pretend to be someone else
For once in my life.

It just feels right you know?

With your cooking and baking skills
Considering my likes and dislikes
You try to impress me
Don't you know - you had me at hello :)
With your care and affection,
You put so much thought into making
The national dish of South Africa - Bobotie
Laughing you say - Nelson Mandela would be proud of me
And indeed it was: amazing!
You say "if it goes wrong,
there is a pizza place around the corner"
To be honest - i'd eat it with a smile on my face
Cause you cooked it - just for me :)

You just know how to make me smile

I will cherish every moment I spend with you

And thank you, for everything...

Surprise Me!

You say, "Close you're eyes. I got a surprise for you..."

And then you surprise me with a cake you baked - just for me. A Malterser cake.

It means a lot to me... thank you <3

The Girl

I wish I could do better by you,
Cause its what you deserve.
You sacrifice so much of your whole life,
In order for this to work.

While I'm off chasing my own dreams,
Sailing around the world,
Please know that I'm yours to keep,
My beautiful girl.

When you cry a piece of my heart dies,
Knowing that I may have been the cause,
If you were to leave, fulfil someone else's dreams,
I think I might totally be lost.

You don't ask for no diamond rings,
No delicate string of pearls,
That's why I wrote this song to sing,
My beautiful girl.

Lyrics:
City and Colour - The Girl

The Sleeping Sickness

I awoke
Only to find my lungs empty
And through the night
So it seems I'm not breathing
And now my dreams are nothing like they were meant to be
And I'm breaking down, I think I'm breaking down

And I'm afraid
To sleep because of what haunts me
Such as living with the uncertainty
That I'll never find the words to say
Which would completely explain
Just how I'm breaking down

Someone come and, someone come and save my life
Maybe I'll sleep when I am dead
But now it's like the night is taking sides
With all the worries that occupy the back of my mind
Could it be this misery will suffice?

I've become
A simple souvenir of someone's kill
And like the sea
I'm constantly changing from calm to ill
Madness fills my heart and soul as if the great divide could swallow me whole
oh, how I'm breaking down

Oooohhh my life

Someone come and, someone come and save my life
Someone come and, someone come and save my life
Someone come and, someone come and save my life
Could it be this misery will suffice?

Lyrics:
City and Colour - The Sleeping Sickness

Your Guardian Angel

When I see your smile
Tears roll down my face I can't replace
And now that I'm strong I have figured out
How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul
And I know I'll find deep inside me I can be the one

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.
Seasons are changing
And waves are crashing
And stars are falling all for us
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter
I can show you I'll be the one

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

Cause you're my, you're my, my, my true love, my whole heart
Please don't throw that away
Cuz I'm here for you
Please don't walk away and
Please tell me you'll stay woah, stay woah

Use me as you will
Pull my strings just for a thrill
And I know I'll be okay
Though my skies are turning gray

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven


Lyrics:
The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus - Your Guardian Angel

Baby, What If...

Do you think if I met somewhere else and not here
Would you fall for me?
Would we ever go on our first date?
Would we ever have our first kiss?
Would things be the same as they are now?

Was this meant to be?

JLS - Love You More (BBC Children In Need Single)

No Es Amor

Yo no he dormido nada
Y ya es de madrugada
No mas pensando en como voy hacer te mi mujer
Tu beso me enlocese
Y no entiendo como crece
Este amor profundamente no lo puedo sostener
Son las cinco de la manana
Y no puedo dormir
No mas pensando en como estar junto a ti
Me siento inútil sin ti
No se que voy hacer si no estas aqui

3 Weeks and 4 Days

You and I together, it just feels so right.
No matter what happens
I'll promise you
That I'll never let you go.

Your Song

You say
"I have written a song for you.
It's my way of showing you that you mean a lot to me."


I get teary eyed. No ones ever written a song for me before.

Could this be a start of something good?

Unthinkable

Moment of honesty
Someones gotta take the lead tonight
Whose it gonna be?
I'm gonna sit right here
And tell u all that comes to me
If u have something to say
U should say it right now...

U give me a feeling that I never felt before
And I deserve it, I know I deserve it
It's become something that's impossible to ignore
And I can't take it


I was wondering maybe
Could I make you my baby?
If we do the Unthinkable will it make us look crazy?
If you ask me I'm ready

I know u said to me
"This is exactly how it should feel when it's meant to be..."
Time is only wasting so why wait for eventually
If we gonna do something about it
We should do it right now

U give me a feeling that I never felt before
And I deserve it, I know I deserve it
It's become something that's impossible to ignore
It's what we make it


I was wondering maybe
Could I make you my baby?
If we do the unthinkable will it make us look crazy?
Or would it be so beautiful either way I'm sayin
If you ask me I'm ready

Why give up before we try?
Feel the lows before the highs
Clip our wings before we fly away
I can't say I can't compare
I'm suspended it the air
Won't u come be in the sky with me?


I was wondering maybe
Could I make you my baby?
If we do the unthinkable will it make us look crazy?
Or would it be so beautiful either way I'm sayin
If you ask me I'm ready

All these things I hate

Torn apart at the seams of my dreams turn to tears
I'm not feelin' this situation
Run away try to find that safe place you can hide
It's the best place to be when you're feeling like

Me, yeah
All these things i hate revolve around
Me, yeah
Just back off before i snap.

Goodbye, apathy

I can't sleep now,
No,
Not like I used to
I can't breathe in and out like I need to
It's breaking ice..
Now, to make any movement
What's your vice?
You know that mine's the illusion
And all at once
(as i'm trying)
I can help you out
(just to keep things right)
I'll be what you need
(I kill myself to make everything perfect for ya)
Goodbye apathy.

The Reasons

I don't know what you're thinking
As you lie awake in your bed
What's on your mind?
What's in your heart?

The reasons
Why you can't fall asleep at night

I tell you:
I wanna be there for you
Every step of the way
Maybe I can help, just don't know
How to...


*listening to Deftones - Sextape*

You Are So Beautiful

Fireworks

"Oh, all I see is fireworks
Oh, every night it's fireworks
Oh, all I see is fireworks
Takin' off like oh-ah-oh-oh"

Drake featuring Alicia Keys - Fireworks

*

Then you asked me out on a Date
Friday night, 8pm.. sounds good?

Is this a dream?

*

There you were, waiting for me
Looking good as usual, but something was different about you that night...
A glow?
Asked you, "Where are you taking me?"
Said, "It's a surprise. Want to show, I care..."

*

So nervous, when I'm with you. Did you feel the same?
Then you held my hand...
It made me smile.

*

"Red Wine or White Wine"

*

There it was, you bought me to the restaurant
'Brasserie Blanc'
Where I could not go: dinner with work colleagues
You said "I brought you here, cause you did not get to come the last time. This time, it's just you & me"

*

Told me
Stories about your embarrassing 19th birthday
Stories about your family
Stories about your mates
Stories about you

*

The Dessert?

*

You held my hand and walked with me
Not too fast, not too slow
If I had to stop time, it would be right about now
Put your warm hands on my waist
And stared into my eyes

Your eyes, they were different than the usual
They were telling me, you wouldn't be anywhere else in the world right now
But with me
Leaned your head to kiss me
Fireworks, was all I could see...

The Bench

You asked me, if all I said that night was true
Thought,
As if I didn't embarrass myself enough the other night
I'll talk about it all over again?
*

You said, you found it easy, just being yourself around me
Easy to talk to someone,
Said maybe,
This is what brings us closer

There's more to you, then just meets the eye
Maybe you'll tell me someday
For now, I'll just be happy, cause I got you by my side
If I can ease your pain somehow
Maybe I could make you smile again...

If its meant to be, it will be
Taking a risk with you and me

Ever

You make that dance look so new
And I'm in awe
A face like you've never seen
I'm yours tonight
So come on
Light the stage
So we can all take off
Anywhere
We'll never come back
Ever

You wear that cast so cool
And I'm in awe
A face like you've never seen before
Around
So come on, yeah
Light the stage
So we can all take off
Anywhere
We'll never come back
Ever

Lie on the stage
You picture all of us everywhere
We'll never come back
Ever

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Team_Sleep

That One Night

I buried my feelings for you, deep inside

And hoped that no one sees through me.

I don't know what you think about me,

Me - The plain and the ordinary

I wish I could make you smile again

And your eyes would only look for me

And then you wrap your arms around me

Telling me, everything is gonna be okay

You were not meant to know

How did I end up telling you?

Why is it, that I always end up telling you

All the unnecessary thoughts of my own?

But, I don't want you to forget about me.

Yeah, this is only just a dream.

The Train Journey

The day, when everything was going wrong for me
I was losing my mind and the Gods were not on my side
Heading home, only wishing i could leave everything behind
Only to come back to it the next morning

Then there you were on the station
Standing there among other people, but my eyes only saw you
Gathered up every bit of courage I could find to talk to you
Only to make a fool of myself

The thought of you with someone else crushed my heart
Then I saw you smile, talking about your big plans for the future
With her beside you
There was no stopping you...

Realized at that moment, rather be your friend
Cause you were too precious for me lose
I'll be happy as long as you're close to me
As long as you're close to me

I could wish upon a shooting star
To keep you happy, always.

The Awesome [You]

Do you know about that feeling:

when you see that special someone

and the whole world stop spinning?

When I saw you, everything else was a blur.

Your smile was brighter than a thousand Suns.

And then, there were your eyes

They told a different story.

Probably I could never find the right words

Right words to describe this amazing feeling

The moment when I saw you

There's something about you.